An art teacher's primary nemesis and #1 friend

Yes, I am talking about you X-ACTO SchoolPro Electric Pencil Sharpener.  I love the way that you quickly sharpen my students' pencils into perfect points every time. I love that you have a handy dial to accommodate a variety of pencil sizes, and an ample receptacle for catching pencil shavings. But why, WHY must you be accompanied by the awful sound of RIH-IH-IH-IH-IH-IH-IH-IH-IH-IH!?!?!?! 

Do you not know that elementary children can make plenty of noise on their own? Do you not know that they feel they must compete with the sound you emit by being even noisier? Do you not know how much they love hearing you at work so they accidentally break their pencil tip multiple times during class in order to visit you repeatedly, and that each & every time the noise level in the room escalates by a few more decibels? It is a vicious cycle and I can't handle my love-hate relationship with you any longer.  I truly do rely on your excellence in chiseling pencil tips but I swear I am going to take care of you Office Space style one of these days!  

Note to the makers of the X-ACTO SchoolPro Sharpener: Please have your design team develop some sort of styrofoam noise canceling armor to muffle this machine, for the sake of art teachers everywhere. Or at least send a complimentary bottle of Ibuprofen along with each product ordered! 

My mom-brain wishes that the solution to this problem could be so simple.